Nalju Euroopa Liidust

Two wealthy businessmans, one from West Europe, the other from East Europe are discussing about how they made their fortunes based on EU funds. The Western takes him to Germany and says: "See this highway? It was funded by EU with 10 milion euros, but the real costs were only 5 milion euros! I let you figure the details." The Eastern takes him to Romania and says: "See this highway?" "I see no highway!" replies the West-European. "It was funded by EU with 5 milion!" the Eastern replies. "I let you figure the details."

A visitor taking a tour of EU headquarters noticed a line painted down the middle of the corridor. "What's that for?" He asked the guide. "Oh, that's to keep the staff coming in late from colliding with the ones who are leaving early."

Perhaps the EU should form a Jokes Commission that could develop a list of approved, standardized jokes, for use within the EU?Reuben Barton, Sacramento, California, USA

Look on the bright side: If all those Eurocrats weren't riding the gravy train in Brussels and Strasbourg, just think of the havoc they'd be wreaking in their own countries..!

I seem to remember one that goes something like: "How many people work at the European Commission? About a fourth of them."

There was a cruise ship full of english, french, germans and italians, sinking in the middle of the med, the captain had radioed for help and been told that if the passengers jumped into the sea then they could be picked up. Now, being sort of busy trying to salvage what he could of the ship, he sent his young second in command off to give the passengers their instructions. 5 minutes later he came back looking disappointed. "What's wrong?" the captain asked? "They all refuse to just jump into the sea like that, they won't listen to me", replied his second in command. So, looking frustrated, the captain went off to do it himself. He too came back 5 minutes later, however he, unlike his second, returned a smug grin! "How did you do that?" demanded the second "Well..." started the captain"...I told the British it was traditional, I told the French it was fashionable, I told the Germans it was an order and I told the Italians it was forbidden!"

Good news - the EU is to have a common language. Bad news - its Estonian.

How the EU works: In Germany, they make the rules, in Britain, they obey the rules, in France, they bend the rules, in Spain, they break the rules and in Italy they have no rules at all.

The EU has decided that it is no longer correct to " spend a penny" - the new expression is to "Euronate".

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. State takes one and give it to someone else. COMMUNISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and gives you milk. FASCISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and sell you milk. CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. EUROPEAN FEDERALISM: You have two cows which you cannot afford to keep because of milk imported from a member state with cheaper labour. So you apply for financial aid from the European Union to subsidise your cows and are granted enough to carry on working them. You then sell your milk at the original high price to some government-owned distributor which then dumps your milk onto the market at the price that drove you to subsidies to make Europe competitive.

The problem with political jokes is that they get elected.